


Grand Admiral Dating Simulator

by FreakCityPrincess



Category: Star Wars: Thrawn Series - Timothy Zahn (2017)
Genre: Crack, Everyone acknowledges that Thrawn is hot, M/M, Mobile Games, dating simulator, it's just pure crack, winkwink, with stunning graphics
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:08:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25297426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FreakCityPrincess/pseuds/FreakCityPrincess
Summary: The Chimaera's crew is taken by storm when the most notorious Dating Simulator in the Empire makes Thrawn a playable option. Eli can't seem to escape it;everyone,from the freshest Ensigns to the most experienced officers, seems to have the game installed on their datapads.Much to his immense personal shame, he is no exception.
Relationships: Thrawn | Mitth'raw'nuruodo/Eli Vanto
Comments: 21
Kudos: 88





	Grand Admiral Dating Simulator

**Author's Note:**

> With thanks to plotholes_ahead and JessKo for encouraging this monstrosity :) I have no excuses.

* * *

"There are cheat codes?! How did I miss that?" 

"I found them on the holonet before they expired. Look, they unlock a special side-story!" 

Eli shook his head as he walked past the dithering Ensigns, trying his best not to groan out loud. If it wasn't probably their off-duty hours already, he would've given them a piece of his mind about wasting time at work. 

He rounded the corner to where Thrawn's office lay ahead, collecting his thoughts. He couldn't blame those Ensigns, really, not when that stupid new mobile game had taken the whole crew by storm. It was infectious, really; he knew that by now _everyone,_ from the freshest recruit to the officers, were either aware of the game or had downloaded it themselves. Everyone, that is, except for…

"Good evening, Commander," said Thrawn smoothly, barely glancing up from his datapad. "Has the cleanup mission over Sullust proceeded according to plan?" 

"It went exactly as you predicted," said Eli, the slightest of warm smiles touching his lips. The Chiss looked utterly engrossed in whatever artwork he was studying so much so that in that moment, he looked...peaceful. _Unguarded_ , almost. 

Thrawn's red gaze suddenly met his, momentarily startling him. 

"Is there something else, Commander?" 

"What?" Eli blinked, before abruptly realizing that Thrawn had caught him staring. "No, nothing, sir. Everything's running smoothly." 

"I see." Thrawn switched off his datapad, his trance broken. Eli winced to himself. "So that is all you have to report." 

"Yes, sir." 

Thrawn nodded once. "Thank you, Commander Vanto. You may consider yourself dismissed." 

With a final greeting, Eli turned around and headed back the way he'd come. The dithering fools were no longer loitering in the corridor, and he made his way back to quarters without incident. 

Eli turned on the lighting of his sparse, yet decently-sized quarters and allowed his shoulders to sag. He took a moment to breathe deeply, relaxing his muscles that felt tense and tired after long hours working aboard an Imperial Star Destroyer. 

He stripped out of his uniform and changed into a pair of sleep pants, grabbing his datapad off the desk as he headed for bed. 

Eli sat back against the wall, pulling a blanket over his legs. He turned on his datapad and accessed the programs he'd hidden behind a layer of encryption. 

**_Welcome back,_ ** **_Eli Vanto!_ **

**_Continue from last play?_ **

_ >> Yes _

_[LOADING GAME…]_

Eli bit his lip, fighting the wave of shame he always felt upon logging into this particular game. 

**_YOUR GAME HAS LOADED!_ **

**_WELCOME TO GRAND ADMIRAL DATING SIMULATOR_ **

_[LOADING LAST PLAYED STORY: THRAWN: EPISODE 5, ACT 4]_

_Press X to begin._

Eli strengthened his resolve, telling himself the conflicting guilt, shame and excitement welling up in his chest meant absolutely nothing. 

_ >> X _

**_Thrawn turns away from the viewport and regards me with curious eyes._ **

_Thrawn: "Are you sure that is the most logically sound maneuver? We have never attempted such an attack on an enemy fleet of this size."_

**_His piercing gaze makes my whole body feel like it's on fire, but I am confident in this._ **

_Eli: "Yes, sir. I know it will work. It has to!"_

Eli sighed. He couldn't control his avatar's dialogue outside of making choices when offered. Good as the game's graphics were, as somebody who actually worked in the Imperial Navy, the make-believe action scenes were almost cringeworthy. 

**_He reaches out to touch my face, very lightly. It's like we're not even touching. But it's not a professional touch._ **

_Thrawn: "I hope so for all our sakes, Dear Commander."_

Eli groaned out loud. If _this_ scenario was real, Thrawn wouldn't have even needed to ask for his input. The enemy would be obliterated by now. Still, the _graphics_ were excellent, the voiceover for Thrawn sounded almost like the real thing, and the avatar whose face Thrawn was touching so tenderly had at the start of the game been modified to have similar features to Eli himself, so...this scene wasn't a _dead loss._

**_For a moment, our faces are so close, I think he's going to kiss me. But he pulls away at the last moment._ **

_Thrawn: "Very well. Let us test the pirate fleet's mettle!"_

**_{Fades to black}_ **

**_I open my eyes to find myself in the medbay. The ceiling is supposed to be white, but it looks sickly green to my groggy eyes._ **

_????: "Ah, Commander, you're awake."_

_Eli: "Who was that? What happened?"_

_????: "Please do not be alarmed. He will not be happy to see you in a bad state."_

_Eli: "H...He? Who…?"_

**_I hear a door woosh open and footsteps approaching from that direction. The doctor who had advised me not to panic backs away._ **

_Thrawn: "I would like to speak to the Commander alone."_

**_The doctor leaves the room without any objections._ **

_Thrawn: "Ah, Commander Vanto. It is a relief to see you in such good condition."_

_Eli: "What...happened? I don't…remember…"_

**_He clasps my hand in his big, blue warm hands._ **

_Thrawn: "When we were attacked, you suffered a concussion and were rushed to medbay."_

_Eli: "Oh…"_

Eli snorted. Talk about terribly unrealistic battles…

**_He brings my hand up to his lips, ghosting a kiss over my bruised knuckles._ **

_Thrawn: "I was worried about you...worried I lost my best officer…"_

_Eli:_

  * a. "Is that all I am to you? Your best officer?" 


  * b. "You were really worried about me?" 


  * c. "I can't die that easily, you know." 



**_> > a_ **

_Eli: "Is that all I am to you? Your best officer?"_

_Thrawn: "You should have guessed long ago that that is not the case, Eli…"_

_Eli: "You don't drop a whole lot of hints, you know!"_

**_He grins, kissing my knuckles more forcefully this time._ **

_Thrawn: "My apologies. The last thing I wanted was to distract you."_

_Eli: "T-Thrawn…"_

Eli flushed about the same amount his on-screen counterpart did. Great, this stupid game was going to make them have sex in the medical bay. _Very_ realistic. All those tubes attached to his avatar were suddenly going to disappear, and－ 

**_He drags his tongue along my knuckles seductively, before moving onto my fingers, licking them one by one._ **

_Eli: "Thrawn!"_

**_Thrawn just smirks at me before kissing my wrist, then he's suddenly hovering close to me, our faces inches apart._ **

**_My breath is coming out fast and heavy, and I'm thankful there's no heart monitor attached…_ **

_Eli: "Thrawn, we can't! Not here!"_

**_He interrupts me with a kiss, hot and demanding. I can't help but melt into it, moaning as his tongue drags across my bottom lip._ **

_Eli: "No...don't…"_

**_I can't protest this. He knows it, the smug bastard. He tangles his tongue with mine and all of my reservations disappear. I whine in protest when he breaks the kiss._ **

_Thrawn: "You are right, though. We cannot do this here."_

_Eli: "Are you kidding me??? You started it!"_

**_He kisses me again, slow and affectionate._ **

_Thrawn: "You will be discharged soon. Then, we will continue in my quarters…"_

**_[EPISODE 5, ACT 4: COMPLETED!]_ **

**_[Spend 1 ticket to continue to next scene?]_ **

Eli tossed his datapad on the bed beside him, burying his face in his knees. The game had a _terrible_ grasp of how the Navy worked, how Naval warfare worked and even how a fucking medbay worked, and the dialogue was cheesy and badly written, but he couldn't pretend it didn't somehow _add up._ Playing this stupid game and staring at the stills of the avatars interacting, imagining Thrawn doing the very same things to him, he－ 

Eli snatched up the datapad. 

**> > ** **_Yes_ **

_[LOADING: THRAWN: EPISODE 5, ACT 5]_

_[PRESS X TO BEGIN]_

_ >> X _

Eli hit his head on the wall in a reflex reaction to the first image that loaded. 

_Fuck._

It was a still image, like everything else in the game, but this one was...far more explicit than any he'd come across so far. Eli swallowed thickly, squeezing his legs tight together under the sheets. 

Filling his datapad screen was an illustration of his avatar sprawled luxuriously on glittering white sheets, face contorted in pleasure while a stray, limp hand conveniently covering his groin. There was nothing, however, to hide the fact that two thick blue fingers that belonged to an off-screen Thrawn were buried to the knuckles inside of him. 

Beet red, Eli turned the datapad face-down and hugged his knees, trying and failing to ward off the sudden shock of guilt and arousal he felt. If he wasn't hard before...well, he definitely was _now._

He really oought to stop playing, just go to bed and cool off with time. That was the best possible course of action. He could pretend it never happened, then. 

Or he could pick the game back up and finally admit that the stupid thing did a great job of not only getting on his nerves, but also turning him on. That he was as guilty as the rest of them who played this ridiculous game about their Commanding Officer that the man himself would probably be put-off and disgusted by. 

Against his every screaming instinct, he picked up the datapad. 

_Eli: "Ah! Ahh...ah, that's too much!"_

_Thrawn: "My apologies."_

_Eli: "No, don't－ remove them! Just...go slower…"_

**_He kisses my trembling thigh._ **

_Thrawn: "As you wish."_

**_I finally relax around the stretch. His fingers are so big, so deep inside of me._ **

_Thrawn: "Can you take another?"_

_Eli:_

  * a _._ "Another?? I'm at my limit!" 


  * b. "Yes, please…" 


  * c. "Just fuck me already, I won't break!" 



Eli cursed out loud. When the hell had this _Dating Simulator_ decided to become so erotic? It was practically porn now. How the hell hadn't the game warned him? 

Still. He had a... _choice_ to make. 

_ >> c _

_Eli: "Just fuck me already, I'm not gonna break!"_

**_He looks surprised, but then he grins devilishly, and pulls his fingers away. I feel so empty all of a sudden that I moan in protest. He is quick to silence me, though, with a passionate kiss as he lifts my legs over his shoulders and pushes into me._ **

Eli switched off the datapad as soon as the scene changed, this time showing art of－ well, _Thrawn fucking him._

His in-game avatar. 

Whom he'd stupidly modified to look _exactly like him._

Great. That image wasn't going to go away any time soon. 

The scene was probably going to end here so it should be safe to keep playing, but Eli had had more than his fair share of Grand Admiral Dating Simulator for one night. For one _week,_ probably. He should delete the stupid game and tell Thrawn about it so he could get it banned on the ship. Really, nobody should be playing such an atrocious game about their Commanding Officer. 

Eli winced. Himself included, especially so. He should've brought it to Thrawn's attention as soon as he'd discovered it. 

He foolishly had not ( _Let the crew have their fun, how bad could it be? Thrawn would probably be amused.)_ and now he had to live with those thrice-damned pictures in his head forever. 

Eli tossed his datapad onto the bedside table and turned the lights off, sinking into his bunk, defeated. 

_I'll tell him tomorrow._

And that would be the end of that. 

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I might be considering a seconding chapter. Hope you enjoyed that one XD


End file.
